New dirt on Evan Wade and David Thorpe

As posted by Reality:

A goon IMed me tonight. He claimed that he went to high school with Evan Wade. He also had a friend who knew DannyManic in real life. I don’t know any of this shit first hand, but I believe its true. I IMed DannyManic and asked him about one of the things the goon told me, and he confirmed it true. I’ve edited the info from IM messages to paragraph form, but I did not change any of the info.

Here’s DannyManic’s dirt:

• DannyManic used to steal makeup all the time. The only shit he stole was makeup. Like he was a klepto freak. He didn’t wear the shit he just liked stealing it. He got caught and went to court and talked his way out of it. [ed: I asked DannyManic about this on AIM and he confessed it was true (DannyManic: I used to steal shit when I was a kid, I got caught stealing makeup, so I was wondering what you knew about it, that's some stalker shit or something)].
• He had a reputation with the girls in that town. They all thought he was a fucking freak. He always had girlfriends and whatever but i guess word got around that he was weird and shit. He just wanted to jerk off in front of the girls. He had like this club of girls who were trying to get him to actually fuck him but he never did. The dude had a reputation for having like ten inches. I don’t know if that is true but like three girls thought so. The rumor was the that he was a virgin and wouldn’t fuck. He just wanted to jerk off in front of girls.
• Davey was this violent kid. He got suspended from school for throwing a punch at a teacher. He always started fights and got his ass beat. He has a detached retina from it. He did fuck up this one guy though. This kid james called him a faggot and he grabbed all this change from his pocket in his fist and threw a swing with it and knocked out like two of the kids teeth and broke his own hand.
• He also would talk to himself. And say just really dirty shit out loud to himself. [This goon's source] couldn’t think of anything in particular he said but the example she came up with was like “i wanna piss in my mouth, i wanna piss in my mouth” and then hed just laugh and laugh.
• People were okay with him because A he beat up this teacher and B everyone heard about his dick. So even if he was crazy people were like ‘thats the dude with the big dick who beat up the science teacher’.
• Danny Manic is what they called him in high school because he was fucking bouncing off the walls crazy and i guess he called himself danny.

Evan Wade’s dirt:

• First of all dude is like 5′0, not exagerating. If you meet him in person you will one hundred percent think he is retarded. He’s five foot nothing and he looks like a little kid.
• Second of all he is scared of every fucking thing. You know how you can do that shit where you halfway fake throw a punch at a dude. My friend made the dude cry with that shit. He was terrified of my friend cause my friend is black.
• Every day for school lunch he would walk to taco bell. Which was like two miles. Wo he would leave right at the lunch bell and walk there and eat on the way back and then be done when he got back.
• He only had one friend and it was this fat retarded kid named Jake Willoughby. And he treated the retarded guy like shit. He was just plain mean to him. Probably because everyone was mean to him so he took it out on his fucking friend. He would punch the dude in the boob and yell at him
• He is scared of certain words. He has mental problems. I swear to god. You can say “swimming pool” to him and his lip starts shaking. He’s like STOP IT STOP IT. You could just say the same words over and over and hed start flipping the fuck out. My friend had been saying ‘planet of the apes’ to him all day. and it bothered the fuck out of him.
• He pissed his pants one time. We had to do these presentations in class. And evan gets up there and starts mumbling and stuttering about whatever shit, like chemistry or whatever the class was. And my friend MOVES to the front row and pretends to be all interested. But really he is mouthing the words ‘planet of the apes’ with his lips over and over and over. And evan just fucking pees, then runs out of the room and didnt come back for a week.

DannyManic then contacted Reality via AIM:

DannyManic: what the fuck
DannyManic: who is that guy
DannyManic: i dont even come from the same town as pantsfish
DannyManic: nobody in the world knows both of us
FreshlySnipesCMR: his friend knows you
DannyManic: who’s his friend
FreshlySnipesCMR: the hell if i know
FreshlySnipesCMR: unbankeep it real
DannyManic: ask the dude his friend’s name, i’m just curious about this shit
FreshlySnipesCMR: snitching is forbidden
DannyManic: i’m not asking you to snitch, i’m asking you to ask the dude who his friend is, you can tell him I want to know
DannyManic: if his friend is who I think it is i’d like to talk to her again
DannyManic: also some of that shit isn’t even true, i never broke my hand

Followed by an email from Evan “Pantsfish” Wade:

Subject: Re:

Mark,

I think it’s pretty clear by now that I fucking detest you, and I’m only
going to warn you once. Read this slowly: Knock it the fuck off.

I got a lawyer today who says the AIM messages the so called “anonymous
goon” sent you are a clear case of defamation of character. The “anonymous”
portion of that whole thing went bye-bye when I realized the guy:

1.) Has a black friend
2.) Went to high school with me in Illinois
3.) Has friends in California
4.) Tormented me all through high school with his buddies.

We all have our problems, Mark. I’m short and I don’t like certain words.
You’re a wannabe gangsta from Colorado who’d suck more dick than his own
mother for a little extra skin pigment. The lawyer has already contacted the
police in my hometown, who just got a warrant to grab up any evidence. This
includes taking his computer to search it for chatlogs.

I know I have a reputation for being a big-talker but rest assured this is
no fucking joke. You’re some pasty-faced wigger in a ballcap obsessing over
a Web site; that Web site PAYS MY RENT. I won’t have you interfering with my
job offsite any more than I will on.

Remove all references to my supposed “problems” in high school or I will
contact my lawyer, who will make the necessary phone calls to put you in
similar hot water. I’m tired of being fucked with. This shit is going to
end – whether it ends with your money in MY bank account or not is up to
you.

Regards,
Evan Wade
Staff Writer
www.somethingawful.com
www.somethingawful.com/pregame

To which Reality replied:

Planet of the Apes

Meanwhile, “i can’t register” made:

And then, suddenly, DannyManic himself drops by SASS to post this:

le ownage spectaculaire

peace out buttes

Causing, in conclusion, Reality to tip his hat:

You out did yourself this time Davey. Hats off to you.

Full credit goes to DannyManic for this. Thanks for driving up traffic to SASS!

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