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Paradol Ex gets rejected from FYAD wannabe subforum HD2K V2
i registered there for their promised “real” forums, and it’s all anti-lowtax shit.
fuck sass.
also, comedy development, the admins are banning people for sassing sass.
irony lol.
sass: low rent faggots
We maintain that Paradol Ex is even more pathetic. A photograph of the manboy in question:
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“GENERIC ADMINISTRATOR” brings down the forums
GENERIC ADMINISTRATOR has taken down the Something Awful forums to roll out a supposed “huge patch”! Good to see that he and Lowtax are concentrating on fixing the forums rather than, oh, I don’t know, writing snarky downtime messages.
Oh..
I will be doing various maintenance on the forums web and database servers in preparation for a fucking giantic new vBulletin patch that will be launching tonight. The forums might intermittently be closed while I get things ready. Please do not email us to tell us the forums are closed. If you must email us anyway, please don’t email us. Please don’t send email. Please uninstall email and unplug the internet and cancel your internet service and destroy your computer and chop off your hands and go to the laundromat with a roll of quarters and get in an unused drier and feed it quarters until you either run out or you melt.
Maintenance Today The forums will be closed so I can roll out a ton of new code. There should not be too much downtime. I’ll post a list of changes after it goes live. If you have any important forums business to conduct, please wrap it up and begin thinking of some ways to stave off suicide.
Please enjoy this brief maintenance period while vbulletin is updated. BRACE YOURSELF FOR SUBTLE YET WHINE-WORTHY CHANGE!
WHERE IS SETUP.EXE PLEASE SEND HELP
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SASS Spotlight: Harold Lloyd
I just wanted to take a moment to feature some of the incredible animated gif work that Harold Lloyd has been doing:
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Best of SASS: Photoshops, 1st Edition
By internet user
By Jimmy Hill
By Radium Arcadium
By Jimmy Hill
By internet user
By Jimmy Hill
By Jimmy Hill
By Jimmy Hill
By Jimmy Hill
By Jimmy Hill
As you can clearly see, Jimmy Hill is producing a ton of excellent photoshops. Big thanks to him, keep up the incredible work!
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Add Icequeen to your ignore list!
As Strokey McNeckbeard pointed out:
Finally you don’t have to deal with the posts of this shark-hating Kontneuker-kut.
Click “Add user to your ignore list” and a parrot flies down and gives you fruity breakfast cereal.
Currently she’s just breaking the list of 100 most ignored users.
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Re-live your old bans!
Username search of the Lepers Colony. Use it while you can, because sooner or later it’s going to get shut down and whoever made it will be banned for putting unnecessary stress on the poor pathetic server.
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Pantsfish goes insane
From Mods admins, how do you protect SA from viral marketing?
Pantsfish wrote, attacking Gudrow:
No, it wasn’t. I was going to devote a thread to this but there’s no reason when I can just respond to it here, since you’ve set me up perfectly:
If you’re a smarmy fag (and you people whining about “fag is as bad as racism” can, well, suck my dick) to a mod or admin, you’re going to get probated or banned. Personally, I’d like to see a permaban when it applies to administrators regarding things that have no important bearing on the forums whatsoever.
I want you to read those posts and tell me there was nothing but constructive criticism there. Go on, do it. If anyone honestly thinks that the person who wrote those words didn’t write them looking for a fight they’re either an idiot or they have no grasp of written words.
I try to keep out of this shit because it doesn’t have a lot of bearing on me personally, but people fail to realize this is not a fucking democracy. People who follow the rules – gasp – aren’t banned. The ones who do are. This isn’t any sort of admin sycophancy, it’s how these forums run. The people who were banned in this thread were offering nothing but smarmy bullshit, and they got banned for it.
And honestly, I personally could give a fuck what people think about others getting banned for criticizing how things are run when they’re writing their posts in that tone. QCS is a fucking reaction to people who cried about wanting a forum proper to bitch about an Internet forum and they got it. Now those same people are posting the exact same shit that would have got them banned in GBS under some bullshit “freedom of speech” banner. Guess what, buddy. This ain’t a newspaper. You’re not going to successfully petition the Supreme Court to review your case after you lost $10 for being a whiny fucking bitch.
And the funny thing is, the big mod forum megathread is full of mods going “Is this worth probating/banning? I’m not sure”. Especially in cases of sass these posts pop up. It’s not like this is a fucking ban-happy place where Lowtax pulls your $10 in because he needs a new Mach 3 or a six-pack of Steel City reserve: If you get probated, banned, or permabanned, it’s because you were disrupting what is generally a great online community. If there’s a mistake, it is fixed, and chances are you’ll walk away with a free title or plat and a sincere apology from the mod who accidentally dinged you.
Almost every mod and admin here has repeated this line over and over: Your $10 does not entitle you to be a dick. Obsess over that if you want. Send fucking diatribes to the admin who banned you so he or she can post it and we can laugh at you. Post all day on an offsite forum about how much you don’t care about the other Internet forum you’re currently trashing. You’re blowing hot air. If you think it’s unfair, whatever. Stop posting or ban yourself if you can’t help but visit these forums that suppress you every day and are so unfair to you. If you honestly think anyone is flexing his fucking Internet muscles to remove people’s posting privileges from an Internet forum, you’re the same kind of person who treats waiters like shit for not bringing you your food fast enough and starts pouting every time your friends give you shit for wearing a gay shirt or not brushing your hair. In short: You are a crybaby bitch. Get over your control issues. Go hug your stepdad or something.
And, Liface, as a personal favor to me and every other person who enjoys intelligent posts on these forums: Shut the fuck up. As far as I can tell every post you make exists to stir shit up, and everyone’s sick to fucking death of it. Nobody cares about your opinions on a free forum any more than they do your fucking peace protests (you know, in that thread that ended with you “peacefully” calling GBS a bunch of fucking idiots or whatever). Any time you feel the need to make a dissenting post, please shove a sock in it. It shouldn’t be to hard to find one of those; just look for the one you use to wipe up the cum after you get to thinking about how smart you are.
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Selected Purple Hearts
Below are posts that have had their (former) account holders awarded the coveted SASS purple heart. Given by Reality to those who have sacrificed their accounts for the greater good.
l33tshoe:
At first, I wanted to write a brief statement to politely and logically outline why you shouldn’t be either a sysadmin, or in any way associated with the forums. I abandoned this idea. It would have been a waste of time. Through reading your old posts, both on the forums and on your blog, I have come to one inescapable conclusion:
You’re a petty , self-congratulating , self-obsessed , insecure , immature , incompetent shell of a man.
It wouldn’t even matter if you were actually good at your job; you’d still deserve to be fired. If you’re this arrogant in failure , seeing you succeed would be the end of the forums themselves, as there wouldn’t be enough room in the universe for both the broken Dell servers and your overinflated ego.
I’ve read your blog , and I really don’t understand why a guy who claims to be busy working 60 hour weeks has time to explain at such length why he gets nothing done . If the purpose of your blog is to show off your accomplishments , why does it even exist at all? If I wanted to see you jerk off , I’d just sit outside of your window on a Friday night.
I appreciate that you’re a busy guy, but I’ve got to ask: instead of spending time banning people who complain about the errors in your work, why not take that time to actually fix them ? It seems like it would solve both the problems twice as fast, and I know you’ve got to make the best use of every precious second before you lapse into another panic attack .
I’m not even sure in which capacity you’re a greater failure — a horrible moderator , or a horrible sysadmin . It seems, though, that you’ve struck a great balance: banning people on a whim only after their browsers are subject to a barrage of 404s and SQL database errors .
It’s funny, really, that because of your continued ineptitude , Lowtax isn’t able to make enough money to hire someone to replace you . You’re only successful as an impediment to his success -– it’s just a shame that everyone else has to suffer your continued presence.
When you’re through banning this account, feel free to unleash your wit and call me a “cock sucking faggot nerd ” over at SASS . We’ve got 500 people who would love for you to come by and say hi.
I’d tell you to take care, but I’d rather you didn’t.
Sincerely,
internet user
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
karmaflux:
“You forgot to post I GUESS YOU KNOW HOW TO RUN THE FORUMS BETTER THAN ME I’VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR SIX YEARS SO DONT FUCKING BUY IT, DONT FUCKING DRINK IT, DONT FUCKING CLICK MY LINKS
Well, next time you ask for “input” maybe you should be less surprised when you provide halfass week-long solutions and then nothing gets better and you still have to wig out on an out-of-control GBS like once a month.
I eagerly await another lighthearted zany post about how beleaguered you are by internet people, and how successful your business is!”
(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
SonOfOrbo:
Posted in D&D Dating and Pictorial Free-for-all Circus.
MANGOSTEEN JUICE SURE IS THE BEST
FOOT FETISH LAFFO RIP OFF ARTISTS
PERMABAN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE.
COMRADE MCCAIN’S OKCUPID PROFILE OI OI SKINHEAD BOI TO THE MAXIMUM GAY
internet user:
Posted in “Do you have a question, comment, or suggestion?”.
Lowtax, it’s good that you tried fixing the privacy policy, but this:
Something Awful LLC reserves the right to disseminate usernames, IP addresses, or email addresses to third parties in certain situations (ie, credit card fraud, harassment, stalking, illegal activities).
still doesn’t address what happened. Most (if not all) of the alleged SASS users whose usernames you gave out didn’t commit credit card fraud, harass, “stalk” in any meaningful sense of the word, or indulge in illegal activities. And you gave out their information anyway. I also notice that you conspicuously ignored Sideshow Bob’s suggested change to the privacy policy.
Even as it stands now after all this to-ing and fro-ing, the privacy policy can be trivially circumvented by giving out users’ info and then accusing those users of unspecified “stalking” or “credit card fraud”, as happened here.
It’s also risibly hypocritical. All four bad things you implied had been done by the people whose info you gave out have been done by faithful SASS-hating goons many times before, and to a greater extent.
- “Credit card fraud” and other assorted forms of mail fraud take place regularly in SA-Mart, and the rules actively discourage reporting the fraud to SA forum staff.
- What you call “stalking” isn’t “stalking” only when it happens to you or certain SA admins. It’s been done repeatedly in GBS (e.g. in the cases of Pimpsolo and Alias777 among many others) and in FYAD, frequently without punishment or even reproach. In fact it’s been done so often that GBS has its own special term for it — “Internet detectivery”.
- And let’s not forget all of the occasions when goons have posted the addresses and phone numbers of politicians and other hated figures while encouraging everyone else to visit, send mail, or call. That certainly counts as harassment.
- Illegal activities? Oh yeah, like goons posting in TCC about how they consume illegal drugs, posting in TFR about shooting up their neighbours, and posting in GBS about how they totally took someone out on the street in “self-defence”! And let’s not forget the files that weren’t shared on the file forums that never existed!
I’m also curious as to why you’re so eager to declare this privacy policy issue a “dead and rotting horse” even though the policy was obviously still evolving, and your prior three attempts at declaring “el fin” and “the end” and shutting down discussion by closing threads have all failed to stop people talking about it. It’s evidently still of interest to more than the “five” alleged “obsessed” SASS hermits; if the issue were minor and insignificant, you wouldn’t have to threaten to ban people to try to stop them talking about it.
Sites like SASS are popular (someone in the Helldump mentioned, for instance, that SASS has something like 2500 users now) because goons who want to leave feedback:
- Are discouraged from giving feedback in email or QCS because of threats of bans.
- Get told to sit down and shut up by others who haven’t even bothered to understand the issue at hand and are more interested in suppressing civil discussion than fostering it.
- Are accused of being “Anti-Lowtax”, “SASSycophants“, or “carrying Buttes’ water“.
- Have their comments interpreted as personal attacks or exaggerated and then used as a pretext to make arbitrary, sweeping changes (for instance Shark Week, which was instituted as a response to putative “misogyny” that was actually targeted almost entirely at Icequeen, Ozma, McCaine, and Lioness).
- Are wary of capricious mod sass rules. (E.g. it’s not OK to badmouth Icequeen or pantsfish’s decisions, but it’s fine to insult Al and his decisions (not to say that insulting Icequeen/pantsfish or not insulting Al is a good thing, just that the definition of “mod sass” should be consistent)).
- Are banned for “lying” (q.v. a43) or being “Wrong.” (q.v. Serph, who was in fact quite correct in his assertion that Fistgrrl took notes on people who posted about SA on other websites)
- Are accused of being “obsessive“.
This last point is especially hypocritical because you and Fistgrrl both behave obsessively yourselves. Fistgrrl keeps note of what people say about Something Awful on external websites, and you spent your birthday cultivating drama in QCS and the Helldump by trying to stamp out certain conversations.
Another good example of the admins creating drama is good old Shark Week, where everyone who had mentioned sincere concerns in the moderator feedback threads was painted as a misogynist, and those who weren’t happy about that were summarily banned.
The thing is:
- Raising criticisms doesn’t cause drama when they can be reasonably discussed in a sane manner.
- Banning people with grievances doesn’t magically neutralise them forever, it just gives them another grievance.
- Sending in admins to deride people with feedback produces drama and is hypocritical (after all, one can hardly accuse other people of taking your website too seriously when one’s supporting a family of three with it or spending hours a day administrating it with one’s wife).
- Publically slandering complainers as misogynists isn’t going to encourage polite feedback, but it will make it more snarky, devious, and ill-intentioned.
I appreciate that you’ve gone to the trouble of making QCS, and doubtless everyone else is too, but it doesn’t do much good when admins take offence to decent feedback and either twist it as they feel like it or outright mock it. Mocking people for “taking the Internet seriously” especially doesn’t wash when your long-time coder’s quit because he can’t handle the drama he’s helped stir up, or when an administrator posts advice like:
elpintogrande wrote:
You can play favorites on the forums, as long as your favorites are your administrative peers.
It’s impossible to tell whether you’re truly interested in hearing feedback. You give out mixed signals. You opened The Comment Box, but only moderators and admins could discuss the submissions. You closed that. You opened QCS, then closed it in a flurry of bans. You’ve now reopened QCS again, and again you’re nixing certain topics of discussion on the grounds that they’re “dead horses”, even though they’re patently not. And now anyone who reads a certain website where a few of the users crack jokes about your family and your website (this after you posted a Photoshop of your own daughter crushed by play equipment, and set the Weekend Web on SA) is an Enemy and can have their SA details given out to anyone, apropos of nothing else. That’s quite an overreaction to a forum you claim to neither read nor care about.
Something Awful’s a great place. I hope it continues being a great place — if I didn’t care what happened to it then I wouldn’t have written this up — but I’m concerned that things will get worse if people who post feedback are treated as targets and scapegoats rather than members of the community. The Poor Richard attitude you evince is really grating in the face of your claims to want suggestions, and it’s a cheap way to deflect comment.
Stay tuned for more!
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New dirt on Evan Wade and David Thorpe
As posted by Reality:
A goon IMed me tonight. He claimed that he went to high school with Evan Wade. He also had a friend who knew DannyManic in real life. I don’t know any of this shit first hand, but I believe its true. I IMed DannyManic and asked him about one of the things the goon told me, and he confirmed it true. I’ve edited the info from IM messages to paragraph form, but I did not change any of the info.
Here’s DannyManic’s dirt:
- DannyManic used to steal makeup all the time. The only shit he stole was makeup. Like he was a klepto freak. He didn’t wear the shit he just liked stealing it. He got caught and went to court and talked his way out of it. [ed: I asked DannyManic about this on AIM and he confessed it was true (DannyManic: I used to steal shit when I was a kid, I got caught stealing makeup, so I was wondering what you knew about it, that's some stalker shit or something)].
- He had a reputation with the girls in that town. They all thought he was a fucking freak. He always had girlfriends and whatever but i guess word got around that he was weird and shit. He just wanted to jerk off in front of the girls. He had like this club of girls who were trying to get him to actually fuck him but he never did. The dude had a reputation for having like ten inches. I don’t know if that is true but like three girls thought so. The rumor was the that he was a virgin and wouldn’t fuck. He just wanted to jerk off in front of girls.
- Davey was this violent kid. He got suspended from school for throwing a punch at a teacher. He always started fights and got his ass beat. He has a detached retina from it. He did fuck up this one guy though. This kid james called him a faggot and he grabbed all this change from his pocket in his fist and threw a swing with it and knocked out like two of the kids teeth and broke his own hand.
- He also would talk to himself. And say just really dirty shit out loud to himself. [This goon's source] couldn’t think of anything in particular he said but the example she came up with was like “i wanna piss in my mouth, i wanna piss in my mouth” and then hed just laugh and laugh.
- People were okay with him because A he beat up this teacher and B everyone heard about his dick. So even if he was crazy people were like ‘thats the dude with the big dick who beat up the science teacher’.
- Danny Manic is what they called him in high school because he was fucking bouncing off the walls crazy and i guess he called himself danny.
Evan Wade’s dirt:
- First of all dude is like 5’0, not exagerating. If you meet him in person you will one hundred percent think he is retarded. He’s five foot nothing and he looks like a little kid.
- Second of all he is scared of every fucking thing. You know how you can do that shit where you halfway fake throw a punch at a dude. My friend made the dude cry with that shit. He was terrified of my friend cause my friend is black.
- Every day for school lunch he would walk to taco bell. Which was like two miles. Wo he would leave right at the lunch bell and walk there and eat on the way back and then be done when he got back.
- He only had one friend and it was this fat retarded kid named Jake Willoughby. And he treated the retarded guy like shit. He was just plain mean to him. Probably because everyone was mean to him so he took it out on his fucking friend. He would punch the dude in the boob and yell at him
- He is scared of certain words. He has mental problems. I swear to god. You can say “swimming pool” to him and his lip starts shaking. He’s like STOP IT STOP IT. You could just say the same words over and over and hed start flipping the fuck out. My friend had been saying ‘planet of the apes’ to him all day. and it bothered the fuck out of him.
- He pissed his pants one time. We had to do these presentations in class. And evan gets up there and starts mumbling and stuttering about whatever shit, like chemistry or whatever the class was. And my friend MOVES to the front row and pretends to be all interested. But really he is mouthing the words ‘planet of the apes’ with his lips over and over and over. And evan just fucking pees, then runs out of the room and didnt come back for a week.
DannyManic then contacted Reality via AIM:
DannyManic: what the fuck
DannyManic: who is that guy
DannyManic: i dont even come from the same town as pantsfish
DannyManic: nobody in the world knows both of us
FreshlySnipesCMR: his friend knows you
DannyManic: who’s his friend
FreshlySnipesCMR: the hell if i know
FreshlySnipesCMR: unbankeep it real
DannyManic: ask the dude his friend’s name, i’m just curious about this shit
FreshlySnipesCMR: snitching is forbidden
DannyManic: i’m not asking you to snitch, i’m asking you to ask the dude who his friend is, you can tell him I want to know
DannyManic: if his friend is who I think it is i’d like to talk to her again
DannyManic: also some of that shit isn’t even true, i never broke my hand
Followed by an email from Evan “Pantsfish” Wade:
Subject: Re:
Mark,
I think it’s pretty clear by now that I fucking detest you, and I’m only
going to warn you once. Read this slowly: Knock it the fuck off.I got a lawyer today who says the AIM messages the so called “anonymous
goon” sent you are a clear case of defamation of character. The “anonymous”
portion of that whole thing went bye-bye when I realized the guy:1.) Has a black friend
2.) Went to high school with me in Illinois
3.) Has friends in California
4.) Tormented me all through high school with his buddies.We all have our problems, Mark. I’m short and I don’t like certain words.
You’re a wannabe gangsta from Colorado who’d suck more dick than his own
mother for a little extra skin pigment. The lawyer has already contacted the
police in my hometown, who just got a warrant to grab up any evidence. This
includes taking his computer to search it for chatlogs.I know I have a reputation for being a big-talker but rest assured this is
no fucking joke. You’re some pasty-faced wigger in a ballcap obsessing over
a Web site; that Web site PAYS MY RENT. I won’t have you interfering with my
job offsite any more than I will on.Remove all references to my supposed “problems” in high school or I will
contact my lawyer, who will make the necessary phone calls to put you in
similar hot water. I’m tired of being fucked with. This shit is going to
end – whether it ends with your money in MY bank account or not is up to
you.Regards,
Evan Wade
Staff Writer
www.somethingawful.com
www.somethingawful.com/pregame
To which Reality replied:
Planet of the Apes
Meanwhile, “i can’t register” made:
And then, suddenly, DannyManic himself drops by SASS to post this:
le ownage spectaculaire
peace out buttes
Causing, in conclusion, Reality to tip his hat:
You out did yourself this time Davey. Hats off to you.
Full credit goes to DannyManic for this. Thanks for driving up traffic to SASS!
